SIMULATED FLATULENCE (Story No. 3)

It had been about three months since I had become registered as a pharmacist and had joined my dad ( Levi ) to work in the family business which by that time had been moved off the town square and relocated in a medical complex about six blocks south of town. It was sort of like trying to walk on egg shells at that time because Levi had really done nothing in the way of initiating me into the business other that emptying a salt shaker in my coffee while my attention was diverted or putting napkins in my cheeseburger ! So, you get the feeling that something much more worthy of his laughter was going to happen. Well, one afternoon shortly before closing time, it finally happened. I became a certified member of Levi's big-time "gotcha" club.

Levi and myself were all alone in the pharmacy which was to close in approximately ten minutes. It was not uncommon for a prescription customer to enter at that late hour and , of course, we always stayed late if needed. On this particular late afternoon a nicely dressed lady in about her mid-forties walked in and handed me her prescription for an asthma inhaler. She was from out of town and had stopped to see one of the physicians next to our pharmacy for treatment of what she believed to be an oncoming asthma attack. I began to fill her prescription as I faced her from behind the prescription counter when, suddenly, out of my peripheral vision, I noticed a crawling figure approaching my right foot! It was Levi, crawling on his "all-fours", sporting a sinister grin and no doubt up to something socially inappropriate. Keep in mind that the customer out front could not see him at all but could see the troubling expression on my face. Levi then stops crawling about two feet from my right foot and pulls from beneath his shirt
a rubber object which to my misfortune I recognized to be ye 'ol "whoopee cushion". The customer , no doubt, saw my expression then change to that of the spot-lighted deer or that of the coyote about to meet with disaster in the "roadrunner" cartoons! He mashed the cushion not once...not twice...but a definitive three times! The last whoopee retort was the most pronounced of the three. The lady customer could not help herself. She covered her mouth in effort to smother her laughter but just couldn't. She turned three shades of red while wheezing and shaking uncontrollably. For a few seconds, which seemed to be an eternity, I was frozen in my stance. I then finally discovered enough composure to turn to the immediate right, step over "Levi", and exit the Rx department. I walked into the storage room at the very back of the pharmacy and could still hear that lady's muffled laughter. Levi had to launch the crowning blow, however, and told the lady that he would finish her prescription. He apologized to her and said, "I'm sorry but my son, the other pharmacist, has an acute intestinal disorder and had to run next door to the Dr.!". I never saw that lady again, thank goodness, but after she left I heard Levi's laughter like never before. Yes, you might have guessed it, people in my hometown to this very day still ask me if I ever got over my physical disorder! In remembrance of Levi, I just smile and say, "No, and I guess I never will." A true story.